Oh No We Won't!

At the Oaks Apartments in Albany, Oregon, management flies flags advertising one and two bedroom apartments - but everyone else living there is banned from flying any flag at all - including the red, white and blue.

Proud to be an American? Love your country? Want to sport an American flag sticker on your car? Nope - not here you don't - go find another place to live. We don't want your kind here. You patriots. You morons.

Why would they rather evict someone than allow the flag to be flown or patriotic feelings to be shown? Well, it turns out that the American flag symbolizes problems and "someone might get offended." 

Last I checked it symbolized freedom. What the heck have I been taught all these years - Untruths? Deceit? Lies? Damn those conservative professors. Damn my desire for liberty for all. Damn G.I. Joe.

If you are offended by the American flag - why stick around? And why cater to those who may be offended? I thought we had certain freedoms granted by our Constitution. Apparently that thought is just another example of how the Army brainwashed me. Damn my love of country.

"Patterning your life around other's opinions is nothing more than slavery." - Lawana Blackwell

I apparently need to be more progressive to start fitting in around here.

So let's see. If the Flag is so offensive, why fly it anywhere? Take it down from all government buildings. Take it down from the White House. We should be ashamed of the fact that someone, somewhere, could be offended by our national colors. The fact that the flag is flying on the moon is offensive to me - I demand it be taken down immediately.

I propose that on June 14, 2010 - what would be next year's Flag Day - be the day that all flags are gathered together and set ablaze. We'll show those dummies from the Second Continental Congress. Those old guys were just a bunch of racists anyways.

And what about that dang Statue of Liberty? Disgusting. Send it back to France.

Michael Moore has shown me the way: Capitalism = Freedom = Death. McDonald's makes money. They must be pro-America. Those golden arches are everywhere you look - promoting capitalism and hate. I can't even tell you how offended I am by them. A decree must be made to abolish them.

No. Wait. Not abolish. Nationalize. Do you realize how many hungry people McDonald's could feed? They make millions of dollars and millions of hamburgers every day. How dare they not give in to the public good. I want my free burger!

I like this crazy progressive way of thinking. Spread the misery wealth around (but hold the onion). 

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home." - Ed Murrow